School's return

Hello, Wantirna College students!

Well, the first blog day of term 2 has arrived, which is quite an exciting start to the new term at Wantirna. Today was the first day back, and I'm glad they chose Wednesday because it allowed us to run back to the knox at 12:35, rather than just come back to school cold turkey. This was a good idea, as it catered for the majority of the College's students, who treated the holidays as "foodcourt fortnight".

Surprisingly though, I was not affected by the foodcourt fad over the holidays. While many students were camping outside Hungry Jacks, I spent my time camping next to a family of rednecks, who constantly yelled at their kids to stop playing with their "toys" (empty wine cask "goon" bags) near the fire (probably cooking roadkill). Being educated at Wantirna College, I had never been taught about these interesting people, and made the quick assumption that they were probably from Tasmania. Apart from this, my holidays were spent polishing classical skills. Painting bowls of fruit, wine-making and Equestrian were on the first week's agenda.

Having been so busy for the two weeks, it was a relaxing day at Wantirna today. As I walked to into the school, it was a great feeling to see the year seven boys cringe as they endured girl-initiated awkard hugs. It was fantastic to see Mr. Lewis as he ran past me through the courtyard at an incredible speed. And on top of all things, it was great to finally return to to the royal quality of the canteen food.

Please join me next week as we discuss the arising issues of term 2 at Wantirna College in 2011! Don't worry about SAC study, the blog will guide you through the big one. It's bail or fail here peers,

Sam

Parent-teacher Interviews

Hello Wantirna college community! Well, today is Wednesday, hereby known as "blog day" (among other terms are Hump day, knox day, nap day, parma night and many more). Today we will be exploring some of the finer details of the week. In particular one event which stands out.

The week at Wantirna College has been relatively quiet, apart from a whole bunch of primary school students who arrived to visit, and shortly after bullied me into buying them all potato cakes. I also heard that many of the children suffered greatly from the locked toilets (and having lost all my potato cake money, I did not inform them of the "Salford Park Method"!), and were forced into near-miss situations. This week however, a new problem has arrived.

Well I'm assuming many of you by now have been locked up by your parents, starved for days, with nothing in your room but a toilet and small washbasin. Maybe your parents have set up a small court room in the living room, as mine often do...Or perhaps some of the more cunning have taken up the name "gonzalo" have fled on Donkeys to Mexico. The reason for this, my friends, is because of parent-teacher interviews on Tuesday!

Parent teacher interviews is among the most dreaded days on the Wantirna College calender. It is an inarguable day of terror, which involves teachers "meeting "the parents of students, though it is structured more like a series of five-minute police interrogations. At wantirna, there are three different kinds of teachers at interviews, each with an increasing level of danger:

1. The "Mr Fernando"

The kind of teacher who does not worry about the student's achievements, but instead uses the time to tell personal stories to parents.

2. The "Jekyl and Hyde"

The teacher who acts extremely nice to you in class, but during interviews suddenly becomes possessed by ruthlessness and criticism.

3. The "Relentless Pessimist" 

It doesn't matter how you go, this teacher will always have negative feedback and reccommendations for punishment to give to parents.

Yes, your son may be perfect, but he needs to lift his game!

Fortunately this year, I was given mostly category "1" teachers, whom my parents completely believed, and consequently I am not in a car-boot, travelling to Mexico. However, my heart goes out to all of you in the classes of level "3" teachers, who probably left the school in the back of their parents' home-made divvy vans, in handcuffs...It's lucky I swapped out of physics!

On a happier note, holidays are around the corner, which means Wantirna-free fun!

Consequently, this means blogging will cease until the first wednesday of term 2

Sam

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their school...

Hello Wantirna College followers! Well another week in Wantirna's history has gone by, which means there are increasingly more issues to address in this week's post. But this week I will be addressing just one terrible issue. And that issue is Saint Kevin's College, Heyington.

Last week, Wantirna's year 9's went on New Horizons city experience. From what I've heard, our year of hormonal hurricanes had a lot of fun participating in Wantirna traditions (MCG tours, jaywalking, A court visit and picking up women at The Shrine were all on the agenda). Well if you are not a student of Wantirna, you may be pacing angrily, shouting to yourself "These traditions aren't terrible issues! This blog is as useless as Lindsay Lohan's dinner!!" Well my friend, these traditions are all well and good. The main issue on city experience occurs during the ride home.

Saint Kevins College, Wantirna peers! We all encountered these villains on the way home from city experience. Their school is situated right outside the horrific Heyington station, which most students use to get home. Year after year Wantirna College students have been enjoying the casual train ride home until being disrupted by St. Kevins students (To a point where fights have been narrowly avoided!). Let me assure you friends, these foes have been born and raised to confront us! To confront Wantirna College! And while the students appear to be the rich kind (who sip tea, buy their girlfriends from french merchants play polo etc), they are 100% committed to going out of their way to making sure every one of us gets a nice big foot in the crotch.

George Washington Bush. St. Kevins Founder

and source of all Wantirna College's problems.

Fortunately I came up with a plan. Bloodshed and scarred I returned to my school after the last day of city experience, intent on seeking revenge against Saint Kevins College for its inhumane treatment of the Glen Waverly line. Ms. Bell, being an-ex communist, heard me, and arranged the construction of a language centre at Wantirna. But do not let that fool you! This is it's true purpose!!

Comrades, I urge you to support me in this plan against thy enemy. Until the "language Centre" is complete, always be well armed when around Heyington station, for these communist guerillas are more powerful than their posh and well dressed appearances.

Semper Fi.
Sam

Pyjama Day

Hello again, school peers.

This week I have a rather interesting situation to present to you all - and that is Wantirna College's glorious Year 12 pyjama day.

Well I've put the word Glory in for a reason there, and that is because I soon realised after seeing the bubbly signs all over the locker bays, that I don't wear pyjamas! Well before you laugh immaturely and make nude jokes that reference Charlie Sheen, I don't actually sleep naked. It seems however, that most people in the year level don't own pyjamas either; as many are buying pairs for fear of having nothing to wear, and rocking up with the excuse "I sleep in an invisibility cloak". But finding adequate pyjamas is a very difficult task.

My first thought was to visit Knox tomorrow to buy some, Until I realised I'd probably end up in ozmosis, getting distracted by an extremely attractive shop assistant.

My next thought was to head to the Salford park retirement home, however it seems old folk tend to be less conscious of their bowel movements, so perhaps borrowing pyjamas off uncle Bill will be a bad idea as well. It seems the perfect pair of pyjamas are very elusive...

My only final option is to borrow pyjamas from Wantirna-renowned mathematician, Mr. Beavis. However this will be risky, as due to the fact that it is not casual friday, he will deny owning pyjamas, saying he just sleeps in his suit.

My peers, I bid you good luck finding suitable pyjamas for the day. The task will be hard and will lead many of you astray. If you fail in finding a pair, a bathrobe and cigar ALWAYS work. Look at Hugh Hefner!

Until next time, friends!
Sam

Study Moustache

Hello fellow peers! Today I write to you with a handy study tip I learned whilst talking with the great Tom Macdonald last friday. And that is to grow a Study moustache!

Yes you may be thinking some of the following: Why do I need a moustache? I'm a girl? My brother got 98 and all he had were sideburns and a goatee?

Well...Tom's growth plan for the study mo is this:

1. When he starts to revise for a big SAC, he stops shaving.
2. The moustache symbolises wisdom and power, especially when stroked.
3. After completing the SAC, Tom shaves it off
4. He repeats steps 1-3 Until he Ranks #1 in every class at the end of the year
5. For the exam, he grows a "Santa Claus", or an "Osama Bin Laden" - This symbolises Joy and terror respectively.

Well despite liking this idea, I cannot participate, as my facial hair growing abilities are running five years late, however I will address some frequently asked questions regarding this issue.

Q: I am a female and would love to participate. may I?
A: Short answer no. If you are a female, you may not grow a moustache. Female moustaches are only to be grown if the woman is of Mexican descent.

Q: Are moustaches good for Other things? or only SACS?
A: Moustaches can be used for many abilities. Memory expansion, food storage are common. If you are interested in the Arico Mo in order to give out detentions, you must first complete 3 years of training in Russia.

Q: I work in the canteen. Due to health and safety I'm not allowed?
A: I'm afraid not, since Mr. Bennet and his Moustache left, Moustache rights have unfortunately gone down. There is nothing we can do currently, until Ms. Bell grows one. Stay updated!

So my advice to you, peers: If you want to do well in SACs, and not have Ms Wilson yelling at you every day, saying how her kids will smash you in VCE, do as Tom did, and grow a study Mo!

Till next week,
Sam

The Janitor - Who you gonna call?

Hello Wantirna Watchers! It's been a whole week since last post and various issues at Wantirna College have arisen, So it's time to put down our pencils, guitars, pictures of Katy Perry or perhaps, if you're in Mr. Arico's class, pile of detention slips, because it's time to discuss a particular occurence I saw this week. And that is our resident Ghostbuster, the Janitor!

I first saw this fine man whilst drifting in and out of sleep in Ms. Steele's period 1 literature class. We had a practise SAC, but I couldn't keep my eyes open. So most of the period was spent gazing out the window like some kind of mad man with dementure. All of a sudden, the school janitor flew around the corner of the G-block rooms! He was wearing short shorts and a button-up shirt, as well as a cap. He was on a mission! But the most interesting thing was...He had a massive vacuum-cleaner like unit strapped to his back!!! This guy really thought he was a Ghostbuster!

"Get away from my maths rooooms!!"

Now I had seen this guy before. A few times before school I got to the ECA centre only to find him playing some intense table-tennis against Mr. Chiczewski. Nonetheless, he was a very mysterious character. It makes me wonder whether he acts like this to fulfill a childhood dream that diminished when he started smoking weed in high school, or whether the school has asked him to clean G-Block of ghosts, perhaps the ghosts of previous Wantirna teachers, Ms. Cook or Mr. Connell? Maybe the middle years team thought they saw a giant marshmallow man wandering the school? Regardless of this, he was extremely enthuisiastic and serious about what he was doing!

So next time Mr. Ghaly's got you doing a legal studies SAC, take a glance out the window! Wantirna's janitor, the fourth Ghostbuster is always nearby!

Till next week,

Sam

Locked Toilets

Hello Wantirna Watchers! It seems this issue has arisen in days of late involving the school's toilets and bathrooms to be mysteriously locked during classes. It seems these days, even prisoners in jail have access to a toilet (in fact, they barely even need to walk two steps!), so for those of you wondering whether Mr. Booth went crazy, or perhaps having suspicions that the Soviet Union have taken over Wantirna College, let us discuss the toilets.

A few years back there was only one set of locked toilets, the ones in the F-Block area. No doubt people became suspicious, because it eventually became common knowledge that the previous school principal, Mr. Bennett, was being held captive in there the last few years after his "Resignation". This myth is yet to be proven, however the recent construction removed every F block building EXCEPT the mysterious locked toilets, which further points to the myth being fact. Now however, it has been decided that every  toilet block in the school must be closed. I wonder why? Perhaps the teachers are getting even with the trouble caused by year 8 students? Perhaps studying with a burst bladder has proven to be more productive?

I would assume many of the school students by now have picked up that there are other toilets, and pathways to toilets beyond Wantirna. Did New Horizons teach you nothing? Need a toilet? Find one! Salford Park my friends! There must be a 2:1 ratio of toilets to old people!!! and there's HEAPS of old people!!! If that's not appropriate, Adam and Eve never had toilets! Quite honestly, they didn't care where they went, as long as it didn't affect the other. Do as they do today!

Perhaps this whole time, Wantirna College was planning to throw this on us. They gave us Personal best to work with a plan. New Horizons to broaden our way of thinking and coping with challenge. There was central Australia camp in year 11! We were away from society, where toilets were few! Friends, it was all to prepare us for the day they locked the toilets for good!!! With my advice and your own free will and decision-making, you should also get through this tough final year...Good luck with your toilet plan, peers.

Sam