Ross Huggard - Hero

Hello friends in Eastern Melbourne!

Well the end of the year is fast approaching and we are at the midway point through unit 4! How fast the year has gone - it seems like only yesterday we were discussing the motives behind the locked toilets. Some cheap stabs at Mr. Arico and some canteen jokes later and many of us year twelves are picking courses! How ridiculous!

Yesterday in mentor group, many of us year twelves witnessed a life changing phenomenon. we all sat in the lecture theatre, eagerly waiting to be addressed by Ms Sgroi. When the moment came, Ms Sgroi gave us a quick motivational speech, before introducing the most perculiar man on the planet!

Okay, so the man wasn't an eggplant (Although perhaps somebody seated in the back of the lecture theatre may disagree!) but he was dressed in purple! His hair was neatly groomed and his shoes were reflecting the lighting. Excellent!

Ross Huggard was his name, and he was here to teach us how to survive the English exam! Before his talk, Ms. Sgroi told us that taking notes was "imperative" if we wanted to pass. I must say peers, when I looked around the room, I was impressed that everybody was taking notes! Not about the topic he was speaking about of course, but also notes about him! After the assembly finished, I gathered the combined notes of a few people and found the following:

ROSS HUGGARD:

Maths formula:

(Willy Wonka) x (Mr Fernando) x (Moustache) = Ross Huggard

Possible resemblances:

Talking Eggplant

Cadbury Advertiser

Willy Wonka

Skinny Bob Hillman

Tinky Winky

U.S President Theodore Roosevelt

Any of these may be true, although due to the picture above, our guest speaker most likely bought their clothes from the Cadbury headquarters Op shop! Nonetheless, his speech to the year level was riveting! With a powerpoint that long and the voice of Chris Lilley, how could it not be!

I will finish off tonight's blog with the famous conclusion of the man himself:

"I hope you get the score you need, I hope this has helped you. Good luck!"

See you next week!!

Sam

Big Brother is watching...

Greetings school chums!

I have some exciting news that will benefit the ears of my more "stalker" fans (if you have a lifesized poster of me on your wall wearing metro designer clothing and expressing a "cute" half-smile, I'm talking about you) and that is that today marks the 21st edition of "Adventures of a Wantirna College Student". The number 21 is an important number at Wantirna College for three reasons:

21 individuals - The number of Year 12 students who are present in mentor group at any given Tuesday.
21 Hours - The longest detention Mr Arico has ever given.
21 Litres - The amount of pink paint that was used to decorate the year 9 locker bays last week!

How exciting! While you are celebrating this fine fact, let's move on to our serious issue for the week...

Peers, I am being watched. I knew this day would come! They are onto me! This week, many of Wantirna's teachers have been behaving quite strangely in my presence. Countless times this week I have walked into the senior centre to find Mr Moschetti and Mr Kelly cowering in fear of me! Countless times have I been studying in the library, to find Ms Lindton staring bullets into my head! Other teachers have shown not much more than subtle twitches as they pass me in G block, but that is certainly not accidental! Were the teachers blaming me for the price increase of Dim Sims at the canteen? Were they still holding a grudge on my hideous Deb ball dancing last year? No, I found out the answer in an encounter with Mr Pearson last monday...

"Encounter with Mr. Pearson"

This is horrible news peers! Now it is a known fact that Wantirna's "Code of Cooperation" system is just a fancy name for communism. And I hear Ms Bell has been learning a thing or two from China's president, Hu Jintao over the last few months. This recent alliance will most likely mean the internet will be censored by the Bell government, while I am hunted off the face of the earth.

Never fear peers! Like Wikileaks founder Julian Assange, I will never remain silent! It is my duty to portray the spirit of the College students, whether communism likes it or not! I must break the chains of oppression,  return next week!

It will be a difficult journey. I'm sure Mr Booth will be on my tail as I escape the country for a safehouse in Zimbabwe...

Farewell peers,

Sam

Band Camp

Hello my good friends!

Well tonight is blog day, and it is great to actually get a post out on a Wednesday! The last few weeks, due to taking up harp lessons and starting a stamp collection (which I intensely gaze at during nightfall), most blogs are being released on a Thursday. While this is not a good habit, a large portion of teachers are usually a month late with marking work.

This past week at Wantirna College, two HUGE events have taken place. Alot of you may not know what they are, due to the communist structure of the school, but there was infact two camps that ran for select students of all years. The camps were open to all years, from the prepubescant year 7's to the pleasant and tasteful year 12 students. Last week was production camp, a gathering of all the flamboyant, confident and charismatic individuals in one small room. Having been there as a special guest this year, I must say the experience was more intense than serving kangaroo meat at an animal rights meeting. The second camp was the notorious band camp...

Band camp students came back today. It sure is a suspicious event! In fact, the whole music program is a suspicious thing. The program, to the naked eye, seems like a perfectly healthy normal school group. But why is it that the school only plays brass music, when there are so many other genres! Mr. Hargrave's absence this year has only made the program appear to be more of a cult...He left telling students he had found a job at a girl's school, but this is untrue, as only females are allowed there. FLAWED EXCUSE!

No sign of Mr Hargrave...

Thus, I have three questions about music, which I need answering to!

1. Why are only brass players allowed on band camp?
2. What country is Mr Hargrave currently hiding in?
3. Why do they only play brass music? Is it some kind of mind control?

Please answer these questions quickly in the comments peers! Best answer wins. If you don't, the cult will grow before we can stop it! If the music program continues to exist secretively, we may very well lose our freedom to live...

All the best!
Sam

Careers excursion - Restaurant chain conspiracy?

Hola amigos de la escuela Wantirna!

Fasten your seatbelts, folks. Tonight's blog will take you on a great and powerful journey! A journey unlike any school excursions, as this ride does not require you to pay $10 dollars to ride the bus! Instead, you can read it for free and use that money to buy Yu-Gi-Oh cards or something.

Well it's the second week of term two at Wantirna, and things are getting pretty heated! For those of you who have not yet seen Mr. Lewis lately, he has become alot more energetic lately (reaching walking speeds of 100km/hr rather than the usual 80), and while I was standing far away, I could have sworn his head rotated 360 degrees when he was telling off a group of side-fringed year 7's! While the reason behind his energy remains a mystery, I believe I have figured out why this has happened...

"The Diagnosis"

Yes indeed, Wantirna-Watchers! Wantirna's school production is just around the corner, with many students ditching their masculine controlling father and basketball teams to join! This year I believe the title of the show is "Da Vinci Decoded", written by the college's drama teachers. My standards this year are quite high, and if there isn't a scene starring Mr. Cross or a hostile reference to St. Kevins College, I may just file an application to exit the college. Nonetheless, I anticipate that greatly!

My main discussion today however, is about a little year 12 event that happened on Tuesday. A couple of weeks ago, Ms Sgroi handed us a form, telling us it was vital to hand in on time. Nobody did of course - It's school tradition! But the forms were for a two hour excursion to Swinburne University, where we had discussions with University students about repetitive things. While it was great not to see Bob Hillman there making pregnant joke after pregnant joke, it makes me wonder why the college would send us away for two hours!

My first thoughts were that the school led us out so that the year 11's could graze peacefully at lunchtime, but after noticing the uncanny resemblance between Mr Foster and Colonel Sanders the other day, the whole situation became apparent...

The College led the year 12's out of the grounds so that they could transport KFC's secret recipe to a new location! Since year 7 I have heard rumours that the handwritten note was hidden in a vault under the ECA centre. Now that production is coming, Colonel Foster's finger-lickin' good recipe needed to be moved. What is on the minds of many students however, is where was it moved to? Now that is a Question!

Till next week!

Sam

Hidden Rooms...

Good evening peers! Welcome to this edition of Adventures of a Wantirna College Student!

If you have not visited here before, I will allow you to stay and enjoy the following few paragraphs (Unless of course, you are a Salford Park resident, but you probably are not, considering most are probably too old to even know what electricity is...)

Welcome to term 3 peers! It was great to see everyone at school with smiling faces despite the grim fact that many teachers, being deprived of human flesh the last two weeks, were eager to throw detentions in everyone's faces. Everyone's break seemed to be rather uneventful from what I've heard. 90% of people's holiday activities seemed to do with standing at train stations among people with skinny jeans and backwards hats. Being a stereotype teen and apprentice loiterer, it soundeed enjoyable, however my holidays revolved around a much more peculiar and dark incident which happened at the very college...

A few weeks back, Tim Horwill and myself were called to a staffroom. We must have been the most attractive college students in the eyes of the teachers (I hope Mr Bray voted!) because the school had lined us both up for a day of modelling in the holidays!

Now they told us this photoshoot was for school textbooks (I think it's a cover up, I'm guessing we'll end up on the front page of Librarians Weekly...). Cpt. Joseph Cooper was also to be modelling with us. Getting paid AND meeting the captain! What a glorious opportunity! But upon getting there I realised things were alot worse than I thought.

As I peered out of the science rooms, I noticed a mysterious bearded man loitering around beneath the library. I pointed him out to Joe, who recognised him as the Archives man! Apparently, according to the captain, Wantirna College keep records of every single student from the last 40 years in a room UNDER THE LIBRARY!!! And if that isn't strange enough, this bearded man was here in the holidays, moving the archives around the school! Quite honestly this came as no surprise; Wantirna's methods are based on corruption and close monitoring...BUT WHY UNDER THE LIBRARY?

Do the librarians ritually dance around the student archives every night to the humming of didgeridoos? Do they combine students' school photos onto boards and play Guess Who? And why is there a bearded man going through them all? My theory is the man was once a poor student who wandered in, looking for the preserved remains of Mr Arico's moustache and was locked in there and forced into silence...

Despite his possible good nature, I hereby am putting a bounty on his head

WANTED

Wanted for Questioning: The Student Archives Manager

REWARD

$5 - Schnitzel burger money

A lock of the suspect's beard as a token of bravery

A congratulatory letter from a year 7 student of your choice

Till next week,

Sam

The Chronicles of Wantirna XVII: The passing of Unit 3

Hello College Chums!

Tonight's addition to the blog comes on the last week of term 2! What a term it's been! Sometimes, it is very rewarding to look back on all the events that have passed over a period of time. Since the beginning of term, let's take a look at what has happened within our college, and also throughout the world:

1.  Osama Bin Laden was killed. The world's most wanted man is now a Mexican (that is interesting, because Mr Moschetti's gone on long-service leave....)
2. Ms Bell announced the construction of a variety of new buildings such as cafeterias, theatres and music centres. The current existing ones will likely be replaced with more downball courts...
3. Tom Macdonald shaved his study moustache before exams began. A controversial choice!
4. Current construction at Wantirna has pretty much gone nowhere (as usual of course!)
5. Mr. Beavis has been spotted wearing casual-dress more frequently during the last term.

As you can see, the last term has been a busy one for Wantirna College, unlike the state of Tasmania...

News in Tasmania:

1. A man may have possibly discovered electricity, but then forgot when he sobered up.

 What a term we've all been through, and there's no better way to end it, than with a fancy little party!

Yes, it seems the social comittee have actually spawned something other than demons, pain and horrific arguments. They have managed to work together (after voting out all males) to make formal go ahead, which is brilliant! This night of celebration will be held tomorrow, after school (which of course nobody will attend, due to wagging at knox, or perhaps going to a hair appointment). I am looking forward to the night, as it is a chance to dress like private school students. Despite my admiration of looking like a private school chap, I have decided to go with a more "Wantirna" style suit!

Suit plan - "The Mr. Cameron"

Since the holidays are upon us next week, I will be taking leave for the next two weeks, mostly so I can venture to Ozmosis every day once again, to improve my relationships with the female shop assistants.

Enjoy the holidays peers!

Sam

Civil War

Hello Wantirna Watchers! Welcome to this week's blog!

Now, alot of people despised the GAT last week. I enjoyed it. I mean, the content is completely irrelevent to anything in my life, but then again so was sitting in Mr Anderson's Physics class last year. The GAT allows you to write imaginitive stories, question whether brown rabbits have floppy or straight ears, and to top it all off, it's all multiple choice! Yet people still seem to hate it - it baffles me almost as much as year 8 girls who tie rubber bands in their shirts! or people who wear backwards hats to parties...

But enough of that for now. Today I tried studying in the library for the first time. I entered the facility looking for a safe haven so I could study without being distracted by mishaps. "Surely the library is a nice, quiet place to study!?" Turns out I was wrong...

The school library, peers, is the scene of a nasty Wantirna College civil war! The Year 9 students are at one side of the disagreement, and apposing them, a band of librarians! The year 9 students were on youtube today, watching videos of people stealing bikes. All of a sudden, a loud "LOG OFF THE GAMES!!" filled the room. Within seconds, three other librarians sprung out of nowhere! The year 9's were startled. Fear filled their faces as all four librarians then demanded to see the poor students' planners! Consequently, the librarians apprehended them.

It made me wonder: who are these librarians? and what is their obsession with signed planners? I did realise though that planners do make an exceptional decoy to lure the librarians out of college grounds...

Upon speaking with fellow peers, it seems the librarians have not only been targeting year 9 students, but all students. So what is it that librarians aim for? Now it's no secret that like China, Wantirna College is built on communist foundations (I'm surprised the IT crew haven't censored this site, or sent me to a factory for that matter). But what are they hiding? These are my suspicions:

1. The librarians suffer from a rare disease that prevents them from reading books unless they maintain a daily exposure to signed planners.
2. At the direction of Mr Pearson, they are real-life servants of "The matrix".

3. They are the ringleaders of a student crime syndicate, issuing operations such as toilet graffiting, chewing gum dealing and the notorious "punch-on hoaxes"...

Whatever the case, today has proven to me that the Wantirna College library is a hostile ground. If you ever get the chance, use the senior centre to study. Sure, the library has books, but amongst Wantirna's own civil war, it is impossible to work in there...

Would YOU study in Libya?

Until next week Comrades,

Sam