If you have not visited here before, I will allow you to stay and enjoy the following few paragraphs (Unless of course, you are a Salford Park resident, but you probably are not, considering most are probably too old to even know what electricity is...)
Welcome to term 3 peers! It was great to see everyone at school with smiling faces despite the grim fact that many teachers, being deprived of human flesh the last two weeks, were eager to throw detentions in everyone's faces. Everyone's break seemed to be rather uneventful from what I've heard. 90% of people's holiday activities seemed to do with standing at train stations among people with skinny jeans and backwards hats. Being a stereotype teen and apprentice loiterer, it soundeed enjoyable, however my holidays revolved around a much more peculiar and dark incident which happened at the very college...
A few weeks back, Tim Horwill and myself were called to a staffroom. We must have been the most attractive college students in the eyes of the teachers (I hope Mr Bray voted!) because the school had lined us both up for a day of modelling in the holidays!
Now they told us this photoshoot was for school textbooks (I think it's a cover up, I'm guessing we'll end up on the front page of Librarians Weekly...). Cpt. Joseph Cooper was also to be modelling with us. Getting paid AND meeting the captain! What a glorious opportunity! But upon getting there I realised things were alot worse than I thought.
As I peered out of the science rooms, I noticed a mysterious bearded man loitering around beneath the library. I pointed him out to Joe, who recognised him as the Archives man! Apparently, according to the captain, Wantirna College keep records of every single student from the last 40 years in a room UNDER THE LIBRARY!!! And if that isn't strange enough, this bearded man was here in the holidays, moving the archives around the school! Quite honestly this came as no surprise; Wantirna's methods are based on corruption and close monitoring...BUT WHY UNDER THE LIBRARY?
Do the librarians ritually dance around the student archives every night to the humming of didgeridoos? Do they combine students' school photos onto boards and play Guess Who? And why is there a bearded man going through them all? My theory is the man was once a poor student who wandered in, looking for the preserved remains of Mr Arico's moustache and was locked in there and forced into silence...
Despite his possible good nature, I hereby am putting a bounty on his head
WANTED
Wanted for Questioning: The Student Archives Manager
REWARD
$5 - Schnitzel burger money
A lock of the suspect's beard as a token of bravery
A congratulatory letter from a year 7 student of your choice
Till next week,
Sam
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