Upcoming Exams

Hello, Wantirna Watchers! Today is Blog Day for our quaint suburban school. I've heard word of this blog has gotten to teachers' ears. So from now on I will be using this space to suck up and say: Ms. Bell, you are running the institution brilliantly. Mr. Arico, I wish you hadn't shaved your mustache. Mr. Davison, your accent sounds like Prince Charles. Mr. Connell, where art thou?

This week at Wantirna College, we had open night (where the school opened its grounds and bombarded the pleasant primary school parent with propaganda for new recruits to the Churchward army). In mentor group yesterday, some guest speakers from Elevate Education came to increase student morale for the upcoming June exams. It was actually great to see that the school had gone to the trouble to hire very helpful public speakers, unlike previous months...

While Elevate education were helpful, I thought the tips for exams they gave were not "suited" to the students of our generation. In fact, they were probably more suited to Zimbabwean students of the 1960's than to us. So here I present my own study tips for Year 12 Mid-Year exams for 2011! If you apply all three of them, your ATAR score may increase from 89.95 to 100.95...

1. Bail or Fail
Yeah I know, they tell us not to wag classes, but it is quite ridiculous going to one class that you're up to date in, when you can just go to knox and think about other homework whilst sucking down a thickshake! Perhaps you could sit at the bus stop and talk schoolwork with a kid who has a billion piercings in his mouth.

2. Have a "Stress Reliever"
Many men in the 1930's used their wives for this technique, but since civil violence is out these days, intra-marital stress relief is a big no-no. I advise students to take part in activities that ease the stress of exams. Personally, Mine happens to be Knick-Knocking once a week, but it can really be anything. For best results, it is best to relieve stress at the expense of another individual. Incidentally, Mr Anderson's stress reliever is his marking system in SACs, which almost exploits the "expense of another individual" rule.

3. Don't join the Social Committee
Biggest mistake you will make, just being there will make you so frustrated that you will probably end up expelling yourself in favour of a mental institution.

These three rules have been scientifically proven (by Wantirna's own lab assistant lady) to help you during exams. They are so beneficial infact, that it would be ridiculous not to follow them. If you listen to Elevate education's morale speech over these tips, you're about as useless as Richmond Football Club (judging by their game, their pre-game talks probably come from an overweight man in a Bear costume). With that, my fellow peers, i wish you all the best for exams.

Sam