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Hello Wantirna watchers!

Well today, for those who are interested, is Thursday! What the ridiculousness is going on!? "Wednesday is Blog day, Thursday's supposed to be nap day!" - you may be saying. Well I do have a reasonable excuse (that isn't related to staring at Mr. Hookgamer) and that is that it was my eighteenth birthday yesterday. While the event was a glorious one, it means my maturity must be bumped up. As a result, the blog from now on will be extremely serious. So from henceforth, here are the new guidelines of "Adventures of a Wantirna College Student":

1. No cheap stabs at teachers with facial hair. Mo exceptions!
2. No puns.
3. Blog title must sound intelligent.


Well let me just say that the rules apply next week! Because this week I have something special to discuss:

Earlier today, Miss Bell sounded the bells for an emergency assembly. As found out in this assembly, it seems our majestic little college is caught up in a facebook scandal! Along with Ms Sgroi and the wise-bearded Mr. Bray, Ms. Bell spoke of a facebook page named Wantirna Goss. Apparently the page owner posts rumours of Wantirna College students sent in by peers, which provide a second's enjoyment for the average teen. I knew what she was talking about, having visited the site myself the night before. It was Absolutely atrocious!! Not only did I not know anybody in the rumours, but there was also no profile picture! Quite a cheap and poorly planned job if you'd ask me (it would be like adding twenty downball courts to a lush green oval...ohh wait).

Nonetheless, Ms Bell was quite threatening. She told us if we didn't unfriend Mr. Goss, we'd be forced to "have a chat". All I can say is that I hope the fellow behind Wantirna Goss is running away while he can...

It is quite obvious who the culprits are. While at first it appeared to be St. Kevins College, it is easily figured out to be Wantirna McDonalds. They have had a grudge against Wantirna students ever since a bunch of year 9's came in and trashed the place a few weeks ago. Peers! They are using technology to play our game. Well, this next week it's game on!

This man is completely innocent after all...

Sam

Hello Wantirna! Here's some "Wantirna Goss": Due to a very busy night, tonight's blog has not been released. Instead it will be unravelled at this same time, but TOMORROW! Hope to see you then!

Wantirna's Cross Country

Good evening, Wantirna watchers!

Well I'm assuming this week views of the blog will be slightly fewer, due to Chris Lilley's Angry Boys being shown tonight ("it's basically angry birds, but with swear words" - Pretentious Year 10 Student, Courtyard). Due to the fact that nobody will be reading, my blog this week will be unplanned and filled with propaganda!

This, fellow comrades, is the face that betrayed you!

Now I wouldn't really do that. Mr. Bennett is a good, intelligent and righteous man, even if he has shaved off his moustache since defecting to other Colleges...No, today, my peers, I report to you on the school's Cross Country!

A few weeks ago I signed up for the school's cross country, in order to get an insight on what really happens in the big event. I guess I must have forgotten the date, because on Tuesday in homegroup I was unexpectingly given a race number to wear, as well as a map of the course. Turns out the cross country was later that day, and I hadn't given it a thought. Now this was okay, apart from blogging, I only did it to travel the so-called "Wantirna food circuit" (like everyone else who signs up)...

However, this year things seemed odd. Instead of running the food circuit, we were to be running six laps of the oval...how dull! It makes me wonder what happened. Perhaps the principal team were at Wantirna McDonalds that afternoon, negotiating a peace treaty for the ongoing troubles? I contemplated pulling out, however I had heard rumours I would be running alongside Wantirna's College Captain, Cpt. Joseph Cooper, which immediately lured me in once again. And once I had my uniform, I was good to go!

The day turned out well. I did indeed run alongside Cpt. Joeseph Cooper, as well as Wilson Ko and Brenton Dickson, but unfortunately however, Cpt. Cooper ended up pulling out on the second lap, due to an injury. I ended up coming last out of the three remaining year 12 boys, but I only attribute this loss to the distractiveness of Mikaela Dewar, who kept trying to talk to me about useless garbage every time I tried to overtake Wilson.

Until next week friends!

Sam

Upcoming Exams

Hello, Wantirna Watchers! Today is Blog Day for our quaint suburban school. I've heard word of this blog has gotten to teachers' ears. So from now on I will be using this space to suck up and say: Ms. Bell, you are running the institution brilliantly. Mr. Arico, I wish you hadn't shaved your mustache. Mr. Davison, your accent sounds like Prince Charles. Mr. Connell, where art thou?

This week at Wantirna College, we had open night (where the school opened its grounds and bombarded the pleasant primary school parent with propaganda for new recruits to the Churchward army). In mentor group yesterday, some guest speakers from Elevate Education came to increase student morale for the upcoming June exams. It was actually great to see that the school had gone to the trouble to hire very helpful public speakers, unlike previous months...

While Elevate education were helpful, I thought the tips for exams they gave were not "suited" to the students of our generation. In fact, they were probably more suited to Zimbabwean students of the 1960's than to us. So here I present my own study tips for Year 12 Mid-Year exams for 2011! If you apply all three of them, your ATAR score may increase from 89.95 to 100.95...

1. Bail or Fail
Yeah I know, they tell us not to wag classes, but it is quite ridiculous going to one class that you're up to date in, when you can just go to knox and think about other homework whilst sucking down a thickshake! Perhaps you could sit at the bus stop and talk schoolwork with a kid who has a billion piercings in his mouth.

2. Have a "Stress Reliever"
Many men in the 1930's used their wives for this technique, but since civil violence is out these days, intra-marital stress relief is a big no-no. I advise students to take part in activities that ease the stress of exams. Personally, Mine happens to be Knick-Knocking once a week, but it can really be anything. For best results, it is best to relieve stress at the expense of another individual. Incidentally, Mr Anderson's stress reliever is his marking system in SACs, which almost exploits the "expense of another individual" rule.

3. Don't join the Social Committee
Biggest mistake you will make, just being there will make you so frustrated that you will probably end up expelling yourself in favour of a mental institution.

These three rules have been scientifically proven (by Wantirna's own lab assistant lady) to help you during exams. They are so beneficial infact, that it would be ridiculous not to follow them. If you listen to Elevate education's morale speech over these tips, you're about as useless as Richmond Football Club (judging by their game, their pre-game talks probably come from an overweight man in a Bear costume). With that, my fellow peers, i wish you all the best for exams.

Sam

Building Erections

Good evening peers!

Well tonight's blog will be an exciting one, and not because the word "erection" is in the title. This week has been a big one, especially in the news. On Monday, whilst at knox, I was surprised to find the foxtel sellers in the middle of the store not trying dive on me with brochures, or even say hi at all. Instead they were watching their own tvs along with about twenty other people. It turns out Osama Bin Laden had been killed in Pakistan. While this is big news, I am unsure whether it is entirely accurate, as I'm pretty sure Mr. Brennan already locked him up under the library and stole his beard.

Well enough of that. This blog this dedicated to some particularly more interesting topics arising at Melbourne's favourite school this week. Wantirna's biggest issue this week (besides wagging, puberty and those pizza's they're selling at the canteen) is Ms Bell's announcement of more meaningless construction in the future.

So it seems the school enjoyed turning the schoolgrounds into a maze last year. So much so that they have decided to do it again, but on a whole new level. YAY! As many students are aware, we were informed of these announcements in a mentor group assembly (well, more of a dictatorship class) on Tuesday.

Now obviously when the brains behind this idea was a complete Genius, when they decided to build music rooms and a lecture theatre. they clearly didn't realise that we already have these buildings. And a cafeteria!? What good would that be? When I go to buy a schnitzel burger, I would rather not be sitting at a table while spiky-haired year 8's throw 2-minute noodles in my face. Furthermore, I would rather attend 50 Arico detentions than have a greasy lunchlady make me drink bean-curd Juice every second day.

I believe there is a conspiracy here, as these three buildings are completely unnecessary (then again, so have been all constructions in the last five years). Perhaps the teachers want to turn the school into a fence-maze to play pac-man every night? Perhaps they realised that students are using the ECA toilets, and want to make using them harder? My personal opinion is that they want to build monuments commemorating themselves to promote "respect" in the college (as shown below). Or maybe it was just the idea of Mr. Churchward. An idea that was planted in him when he dozed off reading a book about the cold war.

The teachers actually intend to construct a mountain encarvement, reminiscent of the famous "Mount Rushmore".

Who knows what the school are planning. It is times like this when I wonder what life would have been like if Mr. Bennet hadn't defected. But until Obama stops partying over Bin Laden's death and actually comes to our rescue, Democracy at wantirna college is nothing more than a dream. A dream.

Sam